so i totally ate like a pig whore this weekend... it was my bffs birthday and she invited me over to her family bday party and they cooked like all this realllly unhealthy shit. 
and i ate it. just like a pig whore.
saturday i didn't do that bad, i ate 2 leancuisines. like 240 cals a piece. so like 480 for the day.
the worstpart of it is that i haven't worked out since wednesday. i haven't lost or gained any weight, but you know when your body looks like shit. and feels like shit too for looking so ugly and fat.
i signed up to do this fitness assesment on may 13. i'm going to make my new goal to be 145 for the assesment. bc then i will have a healthy bmi and i will feel better about all of it. i know that i can do this, but i've really been letting things get in the way lately. friends and drinking and socializing and shit is all catching up to me. and if i don't watch it i'm going to fatten right back up.
so. i'm totally rededicating myself to go harder faster and stronger for at least the next 2 weeks and then i will give myself a little break IF and only if i do well on my fitness assesment. i didn't work out on friday bc i pulled a muscle in my leg.
no more pulled muscles are going to hold me back and i'm just going to have to comepletly stop drinking alcohol all togther. everytime i drink i eat like a huge obese woman.
that's all i know. i will get what i want.

 i eat...
also, when i drink i eat.
huge time.
i was doing so good 2day.
400 cals, an hour of cardio....
then my friend called and wanted to go out 4 beers.
i'm alcoholic so i can't turn it down.
i don't even think of beers as cals...
i just am going to punish myself tomorrow by fasting.
i got up to 1000 cals just with beer. i suck.
i'll be better tomorrow

Current Mood: disappointed